Tomorrow BigR goes on her nursery school leavers trip to a farm. The ABO is away with work this week. So tomorrow will be a day for me with LittleR. This is how it'll be from September on Thursdays and Fridays. I'm looking forward to giving LittleR some undivided attention but I'm almost overwhelmed with possibilities of things I could do (especially in her nap time). I don't want to 'waste' the day by heading just to the supermarket or just continually collecting toys from the floor but equally I feel I could fritter the time away. Is that really a problem? Having nothing to show for a few hours where I only have to consider the needs of one child? I'm sure I'll get used to having time at home and slow down a bit but I can't get over the guilt of not doing anything (like cleaning) or having any plans.
The last time I felt I've this was when I had finished my PhD. It was complete. I'd done it. Submitted it. Had the viva. Sorted the corrections. Printed it. Bound it. Had it put in the library. It was done but even so I still felt as though I should be doing something. It took a while to settle into the rest of my life after my PhD and maybe it'll take a while to get used to being (as I got told today) "not part time it's less than full time"