Coasting

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Where is the time going? Life here seems to be coasting, drifting if you will along a current of appointments and treatments for our youngest. There's been practical changes to our work arrangements (well mainly mine as being an academic is fairly flexible) as she can't go to nursery at the moment. We've become experts in her condition, in giving her medication, in undertaking daily tests, in knowing and understanding and negotiating the subtleties of the health service. It's hard advocating for your child, making decisions on her treatment which could affect her future, it's very hard. If I had a penny for everyone who has said to me "Ooh you'd never think she was ill would you" I'd be very, very, very rich. I know (for the most part) they mean well but it doesn't really help much. Of course, it is incongruous, a very ill child who's running round and doing forward rolls.  

Not wanting to be left out it's looking likely that our eldest has a nut allergy. Pistachios for certain. Other nuts? Who knows but she's not having nuts anymore. More referrals. More appointments. More tests. Even with 'insider' knowledge on navigating the health system it's exhausting.

But amidst this there is joy. 

I've laughed myself silly at Peter Kay's new comedy about a car share. i think it might be one of those that you keep coming back to. We've watched some more films - 24 Hour Party People (again), Alan Partridge - Alpha Papa (again), Silver Linings Playbook (which I loved as a book and the film was pretty good) and with the girls, Despicable Me. They are now officially minions crazy.

Another upside of being home more is more time in the garden. The girls love playing in the garden , although my plants and I aren't that happy with an enthusiastic 2 year old pulling and trampling on them.

I've been growing alliums again this year and finally, finally had success. I'm very pleased with myself!

My trusty azalea has burst into flower again, It's hot pink blooms really cheer a corner of the garden. I believe the old wive's tale too (that they like being moved) and took it on its annual walk round the garden (it is in a pot, I've not lost my mind that much) before it flowered.

I'm looking forward to a bounty of blueberries this year. LittleR ate the best part of a punnet today!

I've made a lot of new cakes but taken no pictures of them. Cherry cake, chocolate marble cake, (the offensive) pistachio cake.  I thank you Mary Berry and Fay Ripley.

I've been reading numerous cookery books and making a huge list of new things to try.

I still haven't gotten round to buying that mug. Although I did spot an interim replacement in Asda the other day. I love a puffin.

I'm reading your blogs but doing it from my phone means commenting is more challenging. I hope normal service can be resumed...eventually.

New routines and rituals

You know how it is. Those activities you just have to do before you can settle to something else. Like tidying up before revising for an exam. Or finishing the ironing/cleaning the loo/scooping out plugholes before you make yet another visit to the hospital. Or just having a quick coffee before you get on with anything. I've been thinking about routines and rituals. I've written about it before and seen others writing about it recently. How the ebb and flow of life subtly changes and you develop new routines and habits.

:: I'm still a slave to a coffee. I love our bean to cup machine. It gets used multiple times a day and make the most delicious coffee. I have to have a very specific mug. My favoured Orla Kiely mug met an untimely demise at the hands of LittleR, so I'm currently on the look out for a new one. I'm liking the look of this one.

:: Since the onset of "the illness" my hands have never been more sore and cracked. Actually, that's not true. My hands were just as dry when both girls were born and I was hand washing multiple times a day. So my newest ritual is remembering to apply hand cream. You would think this would be easy...sore hands, oh yes apply cream. But no. I have to be very mindful to do this. I have some lovely cream and some prescribed cream neither of which are near me when I think ooh apply cream. Maybe I should string it round my neck?

:: Our latest (unwanted) routine is Early Rising. The littlest has taken to whining very early in the morning (somewhere between 5.15 and 5.40). I have no idea what's waking her. She doesn't want to get up but doesn't want to stay in bed. I have to go in and pat her, where after she might consider being quiet for another 15 or so minutes. Or not. It's very boring when you're sleeping badly enough as it is. Hard going on the ABO when he's been on lates too. We're thinking about a gro clock (although that had limited success with BigR!) and thicker curtains (to cover the blackout blind!).

:: My favourite new ritual is watering the plants.  I'm expecting we'll be spending a lot of time at home this summer with plenty of it in the garden. So we've bought some new garden furniture and are making plans to grow 'stuff'. I'm working on the flower beds now. I sowed some cornflower seeds last week and they're just starting to sprout...I'm very excited. We've planted some peas (now proper plants!), beans (just poking through) and strawberries (bought with flowers on for best possible chance of success!) and I'm hoping to get a tub of carrots and radishes going. Never had much luck in previous years with carrots of radishes but you can try again can't you? The biggest thing is getting outside to water them but it's easier now as the girls are both a little more independent in playing in the garden, I can tend to the plants - before havoc ensues! And if the plants survive balls, hula hoops and enthusiasm from the smallest!

:: A ritual I'm hoping to get back is making. I don't feel I've been very creative the last few weeks. I've been seeing others' efforts and feeling the need again. So I've dusted off my sewing machine and ordered some new bobbins and needles. The skirts (I've mentioned before) for the girls are top of the list. I've been looking through my recipe books (getting excited to see Nigel Slater is writing a 3rd volume of  Kitchen Diaries) and want to make some new things to eat. Just recently I made a (very delicious) pistachio cake adapted from a Fay Ripley recipe and some coleslaw. I was amazed how much tastier it was without the raw onion. I'm also keen to make an embroidery for my friend's baby girl. So, I have plans  - now I just need some motivation to get started!

The year in books :: May

Well it was a little better this month on the reading front. I managed to two novels. The first was 'girl on a Train' by Paula Hawkins, such an excellent premise to the story of a girl imagining the life of people she observes in their gardens and houses on her commute. Of course, it gets a little more complicated than this as it transpires she used to live on the street she observes and imagines and then one of the women she sees goes missing...
I was gripped. It was 'light' enough to keep my (sleep deprived) attention but gripping enough to draw me into the story.

The second novel was the new one by Mark Billingham. I really enjoy his Tom Thorne novels and again this was no exception.The last couple of novels have taken Thorne away from his job in the met but still 'fighting crime'. This one appealed to my more gruesome side! I'm hoping they'll make some more of them for TV - David Morrissey, in my mind is a super Tom Thorne.

So not bad for April.
In May I'm hoping to read Jay Rayner's novel The Apologist and Kate Atkinson's new book (when it's published...very excited!!).

Joining in with Laura.

Ten Things :: April

:: I'm constantly amazed by how little sleep I need when under stress. I go to sleep without a problem and am dead to the world by 10pm. By 4am (or even 3.30am) I'm wide awake, brain fizzing with thoughts (good and bad), lists of things to do, stuff for the garden, cakes to bake, things to sew, birthday ideas, holiday ideas, places to take the girls, things I'd like to 'get sorted' (bedside drawers I'm thinking of you first!) as well as the worry thoughts (what if...) but to counteract that I've actually gotten up and gotten on with stuff.

:: I'm struggling to believe we're nearly a quarter of the way through the year. Thr last 6 weeks have been a blur and a steep learning curve.

:: Pizza is now a staple in our lives since I worked out how not to make to stick to the baking tray... I often have some dough 'resting'in the fridge (who knew you do this? thanks Hugh) so if the mood strikes it's there ready and waiting.

:: I made a new (to me) cake. Rhubarb and orange...as Leeds is so close to the Rhubarb triangle - it would be rude not to, Yet to be tasted ...it smells delicious.

:: I'm really enjoying the garden at the moment, we've had some lovely sunny days. It's not been as hot as some parts of the country and today was cloudy but it's been good outdoors weather. The girls really love to play outside and it's fantastic to now be able to let them run round without worrying they (well the youngest one is the one with the sense of adventure) can open the gate. Who knew such a small thing could make such a difference?

:: We planted some seeds last week. The next day littleR dug them up to see if they were growing. To my surprise, 2 of the pea seeds had put out roots!!

:: We're going to get blueberries again this year. I'm beyond excited. I cant wait to go and get some strawberry plants too.

:: Spring and the clocks changing energises me. I've been looking through my sewing books and making plans. I had a list a while ago of things I would do creatively...I need to follow this up and add to it.

:: I bought a colouring book (Although I don't think I'm a grown up just yet. when does that happen? Actually having a poorly child makes me feel like a grown up. Hmm. Confusing) to do whilst we waited (and waited and waited) in the hospital. I treated myself to some gorgeous colouring pencils too. I've not used either of them (but plan to this weekend) as it seems that you need to hug and encourage your small child to stay in one place as she doesn't want to nap when there's peppa pig to watch and random people taking your blood pressure/temperature/give you medication/take blood every 20 minutes!

:: BigR has expressed an interest in learning to knit. I'm wondering if it's too early and she may not be dexterous enough (she's 5 and a half). I don't want to put her off it by starting before she's really ready. I was thinking chunky needles and wool might be the way forward?

The year in books :: April

You would think given all the hospital waiting time and all the sleepless nights there would be plenty of time for reading - you would be wrong. When I had the time I didn't have the inclination and my March plans for 'The year in books' changed. I needed comfort and writer who I can rely on and so returned to the third Tana French novel set in Dublin 'Faithful Place'.

In this book we see Frank Mackey (when we first met in the second novel and was utterly unlikeable) return to his roots and explore his past and events that have made in him who he is. I really like the way that French is able to combine a whodunnit and character development. I hopes for her fourth level which I'm hoping takes a character that has a moderate role to play in this third book and expand upon this.

Once again I'm joining in with Laura.

Edited: I just realised that I didn't put in my book for April! I'm hoping to read (amongst others if time and temperament allows) 'The Girl on the Train' By Paula Hawkins.

Thanks to all of you for your lovely comments on my previous post; I really appreciate your kind words. I'm hoping to be back to your blogs very soon. 

Spring and stuff

March, as it happens, hasn't turned out quite the way I'd (we'd) expected.

Spring is definitely here. I've been doing my best to appreciate it. Looking out for new growth in the garden, enjoying sunny days, buying some new garden furniture, seeing my camellia burst into flower, having some work done to make the garden secure, enjoying Mother's day, making pom poms (in blue wool!) to turn into Easter chicks.

In amongst all this we have a sick child. Potentially she might be very, very sick. In the last weeks the medication and the surveillance have become second nature. There have been trips back to the hospital, where indecision and caution (and waiting, oh the waiting!) seems to be the name of the game, especially in paediatrics. I understand this being involved in healthcare professional education but it is frustrating.

How on earth do you get a 2 year old to take nasty tasting medicines? She's no fool and knows when it's coming! She's not up for bribery either anymore. If anyone says just point it on the inside of her cheek, they're seriously deluded by her capacity to struggle, not to swallow and just spit it out! Shes very determined (but not as determined as me!! Current vehicle of choice  Dairy Milk Pots of Joy - the irony!).

So I'm a little bit in denial about it all, a little bit let's wait and see what they say this week, a little bit preparing for the difficult discussion. What's surprised me the most is how easy it is to feign normal. And for the most part it is normal - her behaviour is that of a normal, happy 2 year old.  To look at her you would never know.

So I've been a little bit out of the loop. I've not really commented on anyone's blogs although I've been reading them I've not had the access (what is it with commenting on your phone?) or brain capacity to string together coherent thought.. I'm hoping that April will pick up and normal service will be resumed. Fingers crossed. In the meantime, bear with me.

The year in books :: March

Another month flies by. I actually read the 2 books I planned to read. And the 2 books I planned to read were good ones.

Sleep Tight - Rachel Abbott was a thriller about Olivia who rings the police as her husband and children have disappeared. " years later it is Olivia and her children who have disappeared leaving her husband distraught. Things aren't always as they seem and this was a really good read. I'm looking forward to trying some of her other books soon.

My second book for February was Mark Edwards - Because She Loves Me. Again a thriller, focussing on a chance meeting between Andrew and Charlie and what happens as they develop their relationship. Once more I sped through this and will be looking out for some of his other work.

This month, I've selected 3 books to choose from. I doubt I'll get all the way through the list but it gives me a bit of flexibility if I can't get into one...

OxCrimes - a selection of short stories by many crime authors including Mark Billingham, Val McDermid and Ann Cleeves. The Ox bit is for Oxfam as sales of the book raise funds for it. There have been a couple of other short stories books for Oxfam including OxTravels and OxTales.

The Kashmir Shawl - Rosie Thomas has been in my kindle feed for ages just waiting to be picked up. March is that month.

My final choice is Elizabeth is Missing - Emma Healey. I read a few good reviews of this and thought I'd give it a try.

Let's see how we go.

Once again joining in with Laura.