Normality, preserves and a miracle

And so. One long exhale. I like to start writing as if we were mid conversation or that comfortable ease of good friends meeting up after a long absence. It’s been a strange few months but we’re getting there. BigR finished her first year in school – how did that happen? We managed to get away on holiday and it was the break (or as much of a break as it can be with small children) we needed.  LittleR has been back to nursery and I’m back to work. Normality strikes. I’ve been craving it but now it’s here it’s a little odd. We’re living with the shadow of the illness; it lurks there and we carry on as usual waiting for crisis. I’m sure the waiting will become normal too.

July was busy month. Birthdays (mine and the ABO…who reached that milestone), holidays, school ending, hospital visits and what seemed like endless rain!

I’ve been using my new (birthday) dish – I’m not used to cast iron cooking and as such I’m managing to stick stuff to it every time…I’m sure I’ll learn eventually! Its current home is on the worktop as it’s too big to go in the cupboard. Maybe I should rationalise some of my other cookware? Even then I would need to chuck out every other pan we have – it’s a big casserole!

In other news I made jam. Nothing exotic. Plain old strawberry. It set! It tastes nice! I call it – “a success”!

I’ve been reading a lot. But I should save that for my 'The year in books' post.

Never one to be left out, BigR is in competition with her sister for hospital appointments. We’re now a ground and tree nut free family. It took 5 years and 8 months for her to have a (big) reaction but now I’m panicking what’s in her food! I’m sure I’ll relax about it soon!

The garden survived our holidays but the torrential rain since we came back made mowing the lawn difficult. In the end I had to cut it when it was wet. Took ages and made me cross but now looks more passable.

The clematis (who shares its name with LittleR) has been resurrected! I have no idea why after growing well and producing one flower it went brown and crispy or why it suddenly decided to regrow. In any event, I’m a happy girl.

(I hope to catch up with all your posts in the coming days.)

Coasting

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Where is the time going? Life here seems to be coasting, drifting if you will along a current of appointments and treatments for our youngest. There's been practical changes to our work arrangements (well mainly mine as being an academic is fairly flexible) as she can't go to nursery at the moment. We've become experts in her condition, in giving her medication, in undertaking daily tests, in knowing and understanding and negotiating the subtleties of the health service. It's hard advocating for your child, making decisions on her treatment which could affect her future, it's very hard. If I had a penny for everyone who has said to me "Ooh you'd never think she was ill would you" I'd be very, very, very rich. I know (for the most part) they mean well but it doesn't really help much. Of course, it is incongruous, a very ill child who's running round and doing forward rolls.  

Not wanting to be left out it's looking likely that our eldest has a nut allergy. Pistachios for certain. Other nuts? Who knows but she's not having nuts anymore. More referrals. More appointments. More tests. Even with 'insider' knowledge on navigating the health system it's exhausting.

But amidst this there is joy. 

I've laughed myself silly at Peter Kay's new comedy about a car share. i think it might be one of those that you keep coming back to. We've watched some more films - 24 Hour Party People (again), Alan Partridge - Alpha Papa (again), Silver Linings Playbook (which I loved as a book and the film was pretty good) and with the girls, Despicable Me. They are now officially minions crazy.

Another upside of being home more is more time in the garden. The girls love playing in the garden , although my plants and I aren't that happy with an enthusiastic 2 year old pulling and trampling on them.

I've been growing alliums again this year and finally, finally had success. I'm very pleased with myself!

My trusty azalea has burst into flower again, It's hot pink blooms really cheer a corner of the garden. I believe the old wive's tale too (that they like being moved) and took it on its annual walk round the garden (it is in a pot, I've not lost my mind that much) before it flowered.

I'm looking forward to a bounty of blueberries this year. LittleR ate the best part of a punnet today!

I've made a lot of new cakes but taken no pictures of them. Cherry cake, chocolate marble cake, (the offensive) pistachio cake.  I thank you Mary Berry and Fay Ripley.

I've been reading numerous cookery books and making a huge list of new things to try.

I still haven't gotten round to buying that mug. Although I did spot an interim replacement in Asda the other day. I love a puffin.

I'm reading your blogs but doing it from my phone means commenting is more challenging. I hope normal service can be resumed...eventually.

Spring and stuff

March, as it happens, hasn't turned out quite the way I'd (we'd) expected.

Spring is definitely here. I've been doing my best to appreciate it. Looking out for new growth in the garden, enjoying sunny days, buying some new garden furniture, seeing my camellia burst into flower, having some work done to make the garden secure, enjoying Mother's day, making pom poms (in blue wool!) to turn into Easter chicks.

In amongst all this we have a sick child. Potentially she might be very, very sick. In the last weeks the medication and the surveillance have become second nature. There have been trips back to the hospital, where indecision and caution (and waiting, oh the waiting!) seems to be the name of the game, especially in paediatrics. I understand this being involved in healthcare professional education but it is frustrating.

How on earth do you get a 2 year old to take nasty tasting medicines? She's no fool and knows when it's coming! She's not up for bribery either anymore. If anyone says just point it on the inside of her cheek, they're seriously deluded by her capacity to struggle, not to swallow and just spit it out! Shes very determined (but not as determined as me!! Current vehicle of choice  Dairy Milk Pots of Joy - the irony!).

So I'm a little bit in denial about it all, a little bit let's wait and see what they say this week, a little bit preparing for the difficult discussion. What's surprised me the most is how easy it is to feign normal. And for the most part it is normal - her behaviour is that of a normal, happy 2 year old.  To look at her you would never know.

So I've been a little bit out of the loop. I've not really commented on anyone's blogs although I've been reading them I've not had the access (what is it with commenting on your phone?) or brain capacity to string together coherent thought.. I'm hoping that April will pick up and normal service will be resumed. Fingers crossed. In the meantime, bear with me.

January, mostly

:: Once again I am surprised at the passage of time. January has been a bit of a blur. Time off, illnesses (not serious but enough to make you feel a bit sorry for yourself), work and birthdays have all played a part. I’ve been busy but not ridiculously though. It’s just prioritising time at the computer when I’ve been on a computer all day at work or when I’ve been cuddling a poorly child and it’s habit I’ve gotten out of. Anyway, I will be catching up with everyone’s blogs and in the meantime…I’ve been trying to appreciate January and all that sit has to offer. And also working out how 1/12 of the year has gone already!!

:: I’m STILL unravelling the hideous mess that is the yarn from hell. It’s taken hours…probably longer than it’ll take me to knit the hat! It’s got a tight tangle at the moment. So I’ve put it to one side less I take to the scissors to unravel it! In the meantime I bought some more wool and am going to make the ABO a scarf. I’ve selected mistake rib stitch as it looks fairly simple and fairly achievable, for me. Socks have been side lined for now. I’ve chosen Debbie Bliss Cashmerino Aran in Charcoal. Right now it’s still sat in the bag it came in!

:: I’ve been admiring my yarn bowl (thank you ABO) mixed in with my cookery books. As yet it contains no yarn but it does look very nice. We had a bit of a declutter and rearrange which resulted in a trip to Ikea. The trip to Ikea necessities some new frames and a rug too. CDs and DVDs (of which there were many) were moved into a series of wallets and the cases disposed of. CD cabinets moved and replaced with book shelves. Books transferred (this is just a very small sample....can you believe I reduced my book collection when LittleR was born? This was so she fitted into the house) and a myriad of child clutter put where the books once lived. The resulting tidiness lasted about an hour before normal service was resumed. I know I'm fighting a losing battle. Perhaps if the ABO and I moved out there might be enough room for the girls? I'm particularly enjoying reading through Nigel Slater's Kitchen Diaries. I received book 2 for Christmas. He does have a magical way with food words.

:: LittleR turned two in the middle of the month and has definitely mastered the art of ripping open a present. I made my usual birthday cake of a Victoria sponge with person specific topping. So in this incarnation Peppa Pig jumped in a chocolate puddle. All of a sudden she's a burst of language - sentences flow and there's a constant chatter.

:: I’ve also been admiring Leeds’ hotel ceilings during a break at a work training day. I did do some work too.

:: I’ve listened to the entire Serial podcast series. And now I’m mourning its end. Once again late to the party.

:: I’ve been lazy and watched a lot of TV. Not sure quite what as I keep complaining there’s nothing  much on. Football mostly I think. We're now out of the FA cup but still in the Capital One cup. And there I betray my honorary Yorkshire-ness (although I've lived more than half my life in Yorkshire) and show my true Essex/London/Southern colours.

:: I've been cooking but mostly the usual things that we always have. A very tasty chicken, chorizo and butter bean casserole featured. It looked a little anaemic but some broccoli livened it up.

:: I've enjoyed bringing in the first daffodils of the year. They've definitely brightened the kitchen.

:: We built the world's smallest snowman with the lightest snow shower. I only had HUGE carrots. A snow bump with an enormous nose.

:: I've been making plans for the garden this year. Deciding what we're going to do with it all. We need a more secure gate this year so the children (well, LittleR really, she's utterly fearless) can't escape when my back is turned for a second. A couple of roses have seen better days so I need to dig those out and replace them...not sure with what yet. I've been browsing the seed catalogues for inspiration for the summer. We're definitely growing strawberries again...they were a hit last year.


:: Thank you so much for all your helpful comments on my precious things. There are some really useful suggestions for keeping on top of all that precious child art.

Precious things (3)

Once upon a time I went through a period of illness. It was a very long time ago. Even now though, moments of that experience stay with me and very occasionally I think back to that time and how it partly moulded me into the person I am now.

During that time when I thought all the things that I have subsequently achieved were unlikely to happen I was given a stone…a small piece of green adventurine by a good friend who’d just gone to Uni. I carried that stone me with for ages and collected a few more along the way. In theory, adventurine is a stone that brings good luck – I guess it did for me. Every type of stone has a meaning – you can see what they mean here.

I chose most of mine for their colours and the way they felt in my hand rather than for their meaning.

Interestingly, when I was pregnant with both my girls I felt drawn to seek out my stones again and carried a piece of rose quartz in my bag. Rose quartz is a stone of unconditional love.

Every now and again I seek out my stones, for me they are a precious thing.

You can see others’ precious things here:

Sarah at Mitenska

Leanne at Today’s Stuff

Bee at The Linen Cloud